here’s how I spared our planet for future generations

People of earth!  This very evening I took the first step toward saving our planet and ending humanity’s cruel epidemic of overconsumption! 

While performing a routine weekly grocery shopping errand at the local Von’s supermarket, I decided against joining my fellow mankind in its ruthless and wasteful campaign of environmental degradation by carrying into the supermarket my very own over-the-shoulder canvas grocery conveyance.  This allowed me to accomplish several purposes: 1) I spared the use of one landfill-clogging, climate-changing plastic and/or brown paper bag (possibly more, depending on my checker’s bagging skillz), and 2) I was able to peruse food items in the store with my handy, reusable, eco-friendly bag fully on display, amply demonstrating to fellow shoppers my affection for Mother Earth, and hence my inherent moral superiority. 

Do you still rely on earth-murdering plastic grocery bags?  I hope not.  Because if so… God, what’s the matter with you?  Don’t you care about anything other than yourself?!? 

In addition, I used my Von’s Club card, ensuring the maximum bang for my grocery-buying buck, because if there’s one thing I love as much as rescuing our environment, it’s great savings.